It’s the Great Bumpkin, Georgie Bush

In the gusts, dead leaves scuttle ghost-like in the darkness. The promise of rain as the clouds darken the moon brings the odor of autumnal ending. It is Halloween. Some will hope for the Great Bumpkin, Georgie Bush.
If you remember the legend of the Great Pumpkin, each Halloween the Great Pumpkin will appear in the pumpkin patch he deems the most sincere. He then delivers toys and goodies to all the true believers. George Bush has been like that for a lot of people, only call him the Great Bumpkin.
Some Americans have persisted in being true believers almost as long as Linus, insisting that this year the Great Bumpkin will appear and bring with him all those things he promised. But each year there have been fewer and fewer of them willing to sit in barren fields as one after the other they have come to realize that the Great Bumpkin is nothing but a figment of misplaced longings and twisted beliefs.
Too many Americans made the mistake of projecting on The Great Bumpkin their own hopes and dreams for the country. He promised something called “Compassionate Conservatism,” and with it he also promised to end the divisiveness of the Era of Bad Feelings. All that began to go sour from the beginning, when a bitterly divided Supreme Court picked our President for the first time in American history. The Great Bumpkin became President by one vote.
But true believers kept their faith in the Great Bumpkin even as he took our treats in the form of tax cuts and then figuratively played his tricks, vandalizing our houses as we watched our one tangible asset slowly evaporate in a mortgage crisis that only figures to get worse. Meanwhile the Great Bumpkin does a disappearing act worthy of Herbert Hoover trying to deal with the oncoming Great Depression.
Then there were all those costumes he loves to dress up in. He decked himself out in a flight suit as if he were a Top Gun pilot and walked onto the deck of a carrier named the Abraham Lincoln unable to hide his smirk, like a child dressed as his favorite hero. He stood on the deck of that carrier and told America and the world “mission accomplished.” The major military operations of the Iraq War were over. It was May 1, 2003. Is there anyone left who still believes that one. It’s the Great Bumpkin.
Out on his ranch he dressed up like Lance Armstrong and took reporters mountain biking over miles of dirt and rocks and mesquite, while outside a woman named Cindy Sheehan tried to get us to see the Great Bumpkin wasn’t real and his war was a fraud.
On baseball’s opening day he donned a Cardinal jacket so he could look just like one of the coaching staff and tried to show us he could deliver a mean curve ball over the plate. At least it didn’t bounce in the dirt or end up a wild pitch, but for many Americans he might as well have done that. We’ve been swinging at his curve balls of spinning rhetoric that when we try to make contact with them turn out to be only dead air.
Of course, he had to make sure he had his picture taken in a cowboy hat, riding in a pickup truck like someone in a television commercial, but by then a lot of people were saying, “It’s the Great Bumpkin and you’re no Ronald Reagan.” But he has an attitude towards the environment and Native Americans a lot like some of those big ranchers in the movies.
He’s also tried to imitate a lot of other presidents. His guru, Karl Rove tried to dress him up as modern version of William McKinley, who was manipulated by the Rove-like Mark Hanna. It would be back to the Gilded Age when tycoons ruled the land and you dealt with workers by bringing in goons to beat them into submission. There was also some talk of him as Harry Truman, but the Great Bumpkin trips over too many words to be a credible imitation of a man with a biography titled Plain Speaking.
Some even tried to suit him up as Woodrow Wilson Jonah Goldberg wrote in the National Review:
The Bush Doctrine, until recently, was hailed or derided as the greatest resurgence of Wilsonianism since Wilson himself.
Talk of Bush as Lincoln, the beleaguered wartime president, prompted Salon.com to put an oversize top hat on the Great Bumpkin and tell the world:
You, sir, are no Abe Lincoln!
That a sitting President should try so hard to wrap himself in the costumes of his predecessors seems almost unprecedented in American history. It would have appeared unseemly for a previous president to have assumed what can only be described as an obsession with history as if it were a child-like fantasy.
This is the American Presidency as Halloween, a holiday that began as a a time when the other-worldly became real and spirits stalked the night, especially those of the dead. As too many Hollywood shockers and slashers have portrayed, the maws of graves open and ghosts and ghouls attempt to take over the earth. On this one night, the line between fantasy and horror disappears.
In no one does that seem more true than the Great Bumpkin, Georgie Bush. With his love for wearing costumes it seems appropriate that this President is now the figure most chosen to be Photoshopped by creative and not-so-creative people on the Web, who have grafted his face on to everything from porn sites to a montage called bushorchimp.com. The chimp seems to be winning.
But nothing personifies the Great Bumpkin better than the War in Iraq. He keeps promising peace will appear and every time he says it millions of Americans have believed him, but as this fiasco has stretched into the longest war in American history that belief is wearing thin. I ran into a teacher at a reunion of leadership fellows yesterday and she told me that she had been teaching GIs for over a decade and that servicemen with twenty years experience were saying to her, “Korea and Vietnam at least made some sort of sense, but this one smells.”
This Halloween a lot of Americans are wondering if the Great Bumpkin isn’t preparing to try on a new costume, this one resembling Richard the Lionheart, the crusader who tried to win back the Middle east for Christendom. The Great Bumpkin will invade Iran and conquer the infidels. He has used the word crusade almost as often as Richard and certainly believes he can recover a piece of the true cross.
Today the Net will be full of images of pumpkins with Bush faces on them. I Googled Bush pumpkin and in turned up 58,000 pages–a pretty good indication of where he stands. Instead of having his fgace carved on Mt. Rushmore, this President has it carved on a jack-o-lantern. There also will be a goodly number of Halloween stories about the Great Bumpkin, stories that make Linus’ fantasy appear quite rational.
But like Linus in the Pumpkin Patch, there are still Americans who fear what will happen if they quit believing in this President and his policies, especially in Iraq. So this Halloween again finds Americans still awaiting the Great Bumpkin to bring them something. In a long–yes even longer than me-essay on the Great Pumpkin, Michael Koresky writes:
Linus’s piety, his belief in an imminent transcendence, ultimately allows him to be perceived as what else, but a “blockhead.”
You might say the same about the Great Bumpkin.
But the wind has picked up and the rain has begun to fall and anyone sane has given up on that myth.
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